Did you see yourself as you read these statements? They depict a person who has the potential to gain a great deal from WeConcile. If the above statements describe you and your partner, then you will get a lot out of this program.
If you believe you should leave your relationship, then WeConcile is not the right place to put your time and energy. WeConcile is not designed to help you leave a relationship.
Each of the four phases of WeConcile contains six levels or subject areas for a total of 24 areas of learning.
In each level, a couple might spend about 1-hour reading, 1- 2 hours doing exercises and 2+ hours discussing the exercises and learning for a total of 4- 6 hours per level. Some couples move faster.
An example goal would be to complete a level a week when time permits and complete a level every two weeks to three weeks during busier periods. You won’t be allowed to go faster than a level a week – you need time to practice what you’ve learned and integrate it. Going slower may be more productive for you. Following this example schedule, a relationship re- construction process (or project) can take 96 -144 hours or more over the course of 6 months to a year.
Partners need this much time to learn, practice and “rewire” their new learning into a very different and more satisfying relationship experience. As anyone who has done couples therapy knows, there are no shortcuts. Changing our lives and relationships takes not only a commitment but time to change who we are, who we want to be and what our experiences are.
In order for WeConcile to help your relationship, both you and your partner will need to embrace some specific ingredient:
It all starts with desire. If we desire something, and intend to make it a reality, then it can be done. Do you want a more harmonious and closer connection with your partner? Actions speak louder than words. If you are willing to put in the time and effort, and keep your mind open with curiosity and self reflection, then you have the ingredients needed.
Commitment is a promise or an agreement. Commitment means that each day you re-commit. If you get off track, you say to yourself, I am starting again. Commitment means you hold to the promise even when it gets difficult.
Relationships are hard work. Whether you and your partner get no help at all, see a couples’ therapist regularly or decide to use WeConcile, it is always going to involve some ‘work.’ By work we mean effort: self-reflection, putting words around difficult to describe experiences and feelings, devoting energy and attention to deepen your understanding of yourself and your partner.
Curiosity and self-reflection
Curiosity is a strong desire to know or learn something – to look inside or self reflect, to wonder why your partner is having the experience he or she is. Time and time again, our wounds will get activated and we may lose our sense of curiosity. It is imperative to find it again. Why did I just get upset? Why did my partner? What are the deeper issues that are being activated within each of us?
Self reflection takes the understanding that looking at our self is an important endeavor. When we realize that our present very much comes out of our past, it is easier to understand the importance of sorting through our history, how it has impacted us and untangle what is going on now. Without curiosity and self reflection, we cannot do this.
WeConcile will take time. Change occurs both through new information allowing for insight and through repetition. Just as gaining a degree or starting a new business takes time, so does reconstructing a relationship and changing old patterns. You are asking to step into a new relational world. It will take time to create this new reality. For how long will it take click here:
While it is, at times, normal to question staying in your relationship when you are having a rough time, if you are really on the fence about staying in your relationship or are experiencing extreme relationship distress, WeConcile probably won't work for you without a clinician or counselor. It helps to have an objective third party who cares about your relationship on your team.
It is important to be committed to working on your relationship, and not ready to walk out the door. And, you have at least a dream that repairing your relationship is possible.
If either of you is not committed to your relationship, Weconcile is not for you.
Change doesn’t happen in a closed system. Something new has to enter the system for change to occur. This means people struggling in their relationships will need to allow in something new. This could be a number of things. Couples Therapy, WeConcile, a book or workshop or something else.
Whether you choose Couples therapy or WeConcile, sustaining a love that works is an ongoing process in all relationships. It will be hard work.
Like Couples Therapy, the purpose of WeConcile is to help you build your intimate relationship into one that is deeply healing, loving and satisfying.
The WeConcile difference is that as a self-help program, it will cost you significantly less. WeConcile is time convenient. You don’t have to drive to an appointment or get childcare. You can learn on your schedule – not someone else’s.
WeConcile’s learning is systemized. You will be guided through step-by-step learning with specific goals for each step.
WeConcile is private. This is an advantage for those who feel uncomfortable with the process of sharing the issues of their most intimate and important relationship with another person. Depending on the therapy rates in your area, you get 2 – 3 months of relationship help for the price of one session with a therapist.
It is not a shortcut. It will most likely be as much work as seeing a couples’ therapist. It will take time, introspection, vulnerability, courage and communication.
The advantage of Couples counseling is that it can be very stabilizing to have a skilled therapist working with you. Self-study is not for everyone. For some, having a Couples counselor will make the challenges of improving your relationship easier.
For other couples, using WeConcile while seeing a Couples therapist will offer the most learning and support.
If you are dealing with extreme volatility, active affairs, untreated addiction or any physical or emotional abuse, we recommend that you find a well-trained couples therapist rather than using WeConcile.
Whether you choose WeConcile, Couples therapy or both, we hope your relationship becomes the relationship of your dreams.