Infidelity is extremely painful for the betrayed partner. It can destroy a marriage, and it is a common reason couples enter couples therapy. While infidelity can be motivated by a variety of reasons, the bottom line is that those reasons have to be unpacked and rectified within that person and between the partners. The process of rebuilding trust with the betrayed partner is not quick and not easy.
The focus is on the hurt of one who has been injured, and the remorse of the one who caused the injury.
The partner who has cheated will have to find their sense of remorse and regret at the pain they caused their spouse and be willing to share that remorse many times. Eventually, the betrayed partner will have to be willing to forgive and trust again.
Infidelity can be very difficult to resolve without a trained professional’s help. This is because the feeling of betrayal is usually very intense and because the offender has their own feelings of shame, which they may try to avoid.
Additionally, while the person cheated on is NOT responsible, the dynamics between the spouses have to be looked at to see if those dynamics contributed to the infidelity. Is the person who cheated acting out? Why? Are there underlying resentment that contributed to the act(s)? Or do they have unresolved issues that caused them to stray? Was a lack of closeness a contributing factor? What happened? What needs to be resolved so that the cheated upon partner can trust this won’t happen again?
Another tricky issue connected to infidelity is a partner who believes their spouse is cheating when they are not. This is often due to trauma that has caused that partner to not trust. Trust issues must be resolved for the relationship to feel safe and secure for both partners.
WeConcile offers tools to help partners to communicate more effectively and build trust in the relationship – both important elements if the relationship is to recover from infidelity or other kinds of betrayal. Level 22 specifically teaches a forgiveness process designed to be used with infidelity.
WeConcile also teaches Story Tending. Story Tending is a step-by-step comprehensive communication process that walks a couple through each step. This process enables a couple to practice sharing and tending each other. This process is invaluable when learning to talk about the hurts and feelings around an infidelity. Because of the guidance of Story Tending, the communication is structured that gives the person sharing the space they need to share. And it guides the tender to support the sharer’s sharing.