Getting Started on the Road to a Better Relationship

I’m someone who had a difficult start in relationships. I simply wasn’t raised in a way that gave me good relational skills. I learned how to have a relationship by attending therapy, becoming a therapist, taking massive amounts of training in relating, and of course by practice. This learning enabled me to create WeConcile and practice what I was creating with my husband. I learned even more by working with couples in my practice and beta couples using WeConcile.

Here are some steps to fix a relationship:

  • Assess what you want, what works, what isn’t working. And discuss this with your partner.
  • Learn about your cycle. You can’t change what doesn’t work if you can’t identify both of your parts – the actions you take over and over that keep you entrenched in fighting or disconnection.
  • Learn the language of attachment. Communication is not just cognitive communication (your thoughts) but also learning to communicate your feelings. If you haven’t explored your deep underlying feelings when you are trying to communicate, you cannot communicate in a way that will help your relationship.

    For example, you have to know that you are fighting not because your spouse made plans without talking to you, but because you feel your spouse doesn’t care about what you need. That slight shift in perception and subsequent communication makes a big difference.
  • Learn what your wounds are that trigger disruptions in your relationship. Share not only those wounds, but how they impact you in the present moment when you are relating to your partner.

WeConcile uses the steps of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples – which is statistically the most successful modality of couples therapy available. These steps are deep and intricate. They rely on the science of attachment.

Fixing a relationship is not as simple as doing a few quizzes and learning a few tricks. You will have to roll up your sleeves and make a commitment to putting in some effort and work. But you want a great relationship. And you aren’t going to get one without some effort. So do it. It is worth is.

Sometimes we think getting a better relationship is as simple as switching partners. But we bring ourselves along with us. Perhaps you might find someone who is a bit easier than the previous person, but all in all, you will run into issues with whoever you are with. That is the nature of two individuals bridging their differences.

To learn more about the steps of fixing your relationship, you can read:

Love and Treachery – The Road to Improving Your Relationship

Innovations in Couples Therapy

The Journey of Improving Our Relationships

Learning to access our emotions is essential if we want to access our attachment needs. You can learn more about how to access emotions here:

Access Emotions for a Healthy Relationship

Learning how to listen is also a very important skill.

Intimacy (Into-Me-See): Invite Your Partner for a Visit Into Your World

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