Steps to Identifying and Resolving Marital Problems

Which marital problems are you struggling with?

There are a variety of marital problems that show up in different relationships. You will want to identify which ones are yours.

You fight

Learning to fight is a skill. It involves allowing yourself to disagree with your partner, and even allowing yourself to be angry, but not doing anything destructive that damages your relationship. Do you know how to do that? You can learn how. The rules of fighting come from John Gottman. You can read them in this article:

10 Relationship Tips from 10 Experts. Read tip #2.

Here are some tools on stopping fights.

How to Stop Those Repetitive Fights

You are distant

Some couples are like strangers who inhabit the same residence. This strategy is a way to deal with conflict without allowing anger or volatility to enter the picture. But distance is not the way to a close and connected relationship. Often couples are afraid of the messiness of difficult emotions and they chose this ‘safe’ route instead. This situation can go on for years. Or one partner may drift away and fall in love with someone else. This is not a solution. You can learn how to get more real with each other and connect again. Try this article to tackle avoiding some of the hard stuff:

What Stops You From Your Courage.

You feel like friends or siblings instead of lovers

This is not uncommon. And it is not a game stopper. But most people would like the spark of passion to be part of their marriage. You can still have the feeling of friendship – which is very important, but you can add in more. Passion over the long term comes from a mixture of trust and excitement. Do you trust your partner? How can you add in some sexual play or excitement?

Learn about how to dig deeper into yourself and relationship:

Untangling Love

Lack of trust

A lack of trust is a big red flag. But trust can be rebuilt. It requires looking at what one or both of you have done that has eroded trust in your relationship. Try this article to learn more:

Safety and Reactivity in Relationships

Sometimes you are crazy about each other and sometimes you want to kill each other

Some would call this a passionate marriage. Others would call it volatile. It hurts when someone we love is so mad that they stoop to behaviors that are hurtful. Learning to relate differently is very learnable. Try this article to learn more.

Emotional Courage

Unresolved trauma often causes some of the above issues. WeConcile has trauma assessments and an entire level devoted to teaching you about the impact of trauma on your relationship. To learn about how trauma impacts a relationship, read:

How Past Trauma Impacts Current Relationships.

If any of these marital problems sound like you, try WeConcile.

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